


Longing

by SleepySapphire



Category: Kamen Rider - All Media Types, Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Emu isnt intentionally awful he's just depresssed, Established Relationship, M/M, Sexual Assault, parad judges, sleep creep emu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:47:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22215790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepySapphire/pseuds/SleepySapphire
Summary: It takes a while for Kiriya to wake up after his body is reconstructed. In the mean time, Emu is left to deal with the wait.
Relationships: Houjou Emu/Kujou Kiriya
Kudos: 14





	Longing

**Author's Note:**

> Originally titled " Neon Genesis Emugeliion: End of Emu"

When Kiriya’s body had first been recovered, there was nothing to greet but a physical form. 

No bright smile, no eager relief, no questions or curiosity. Just.. nothing; As though he were still dead, despite having a beating heart and otherwise healthy vitals. 

Emu would visit him every day, sometimes joined by Poppy or Parad, and even less occasionally, Hiiro, who probably just wanted to offer support despite his naturally shy nature and busy schedule. Kind gestures as they were, sometimes Emu just had to sit in silence next to the bed, mind blank as he waited. 

And waited.

And waited…

Hiiro and Saiko had been certain the restoration would be successful, and that perhaps his mind just needed to catch up with his body, or something like that. 

Emu was beginning to feel hopelessness seep into every fiber of his being by the end of the third week, though.

Every day he would wake up, go to CR and work, visit Kiriya on break, work, visit Kiriya until visiting hours were over, then either return home with Parad or head back to CR at the insistence of Parad for some rest.

Today was his first day off in an amount of days he couldn’t really put together, so there he sat again, chair pulled up to Kiriya’s bedside like he had done all month. 

Kiriya was still asleep, breathing so quiet and soft it was almost inaudible. The room was silent, save for the monitor attached to his heart that gave a gentle beep. 

Sometimes when Emu slept, he had dreams of that heart monitor sputtering to a stop. Or worse, dreams where he would go home and just when he would arrive, he would receive a notice of death from Hiiro, or some nurse. 

His eyes would snap open and he would find himself drenched in cold sweat. It never seemed to disturb Parad, somehow, but perhaps he was just keeping quiet about his concerns despite being the more straightforward of the two of them.    
Shifting in his seat, Emu held a book in his hands but didn’t open it. 

Beyond the window curtain, the sun was sinking beyond the trees and buildings, casting the room in a golden orange glow. Kiriya’s normally tanned skin, long since pallid and sickly, was lit up from the light. It almost made him look healthy, but Emu knew it was an illusion. 

After a while of pretending like he was going to try and read the book in his hands, he set it on the bedside table and leaned over, eyes on Kiriya’s sleeping face for a few moments before he slipped forward and folded his arms on the bed in front of him. It probably wasn’t appropriate to rest like this, but exhaustion was creeping over him, and like this, he would be the first to know if anything.. Happened, or went wrong. 

He closed his eyes, head resting on his arms, and fell asleep. 

In the dream that followed, Kiriya’s eyes opened, and they shared a smile, followed by a kiss. 

Emu almost wished he had stayed asleep when he woke up about thirty minutes later to a dark room, his heart pounding in his chest as relief began to fade into cold realization. He sat up in his chair, arms still folded on the bed, and looked up to Kiriya again. 

No change. 

Emu trembled, overcome with reality, and leaned forward again as he felt hot, angry tears began to dribble out of his eyes. 

“Please, Kiriya-san.. Wake up.” He didn’t often talk to him, but Emu couldn’t help it. 

He sniffled, his breathing picking up as he struggled to keep himself together. 

Kiriya was warm. 

Warmer than he had been as a bugster, but nowhere near as warm as he had felt before he had died the first time.

It had almost been a shock to Emu how hot his body was when Kiriya had thrown an arm over his shoulders that first time. Kiriya was always wearing that leather coat, so Emu had figured he had been cold. However, the hand that clapped his back and the firm, toned arm that had slid over his shoulder had proven different. He was warm, so warm it felt like he had been sitting under the sun, or a heated lamp. That very heat clung to Emu even after they had separated, and he had never forgotten. 

Blinking away tears, Emu reached out with quivering hands and took Kiriya’s in his own, marveling at the warmth he felt, and the softness of his hand. He squeezed, whispering a few pleas as he lowered his head again. 

Memories flickered behind his eyes. 

They hadn’t had much time when Kiriya had originally been alive, but after he had been reanimated as a bugster, Emu knew he couldn’t let him be. He may not have been entirely human any more, but he was still the same Kiriya that Emu had been determined to put his trust in. 

Then, Kiriya became an official member of CR, and they got to spend more time together. 

They got to talk more. 

They got to share meals together, despite Kiriya not actually needing to eat. 

They got to work together, and rest together, and Emu remembered after one office party where they had been the last two to stand in the late night, the two of them had snuck out and, after exchanging a few glances and words, ended up fucking in a storage closet on the first floor beyond the lobby. 

It had been sloppy and messy, and they hadn't been prepared as well as they should have been, but Emu still treasured the memory of the way their limbs bumped into one another while hands and lips touched wherever they could go with giddy excitement, as though they were both hormonal teenagers in some explicit B movie.

He knew he hadn't been Kiriya's first, but Kiriya had been his.

After that they started seeing each other seriously, and Emu had felt a strange pride fall over him at the fact that he could be so lucky as to work at his dream job with the person he was pretty sure he loved. 

It didn’t take long for the whole of CR to discover they were together, and strangely, no one questioned it. He got a shy look from Hiiro every now and then, but Emu had always assumed it was because Hiiro had trouble facing him after walking in on Emu and Kiriya screwing around one too many times.

Still, the fact that Kiriya was willing to not only sleep with him, but wake with him the next morning always sent soft flutters through Emu’s gut. 

His physical form may have been nothing but a collection of data in the form of pixels, but… 

Kujou Kiriya was beautiful. 

The way his eyes glinted with light, the way his soft lips parted with a smile, the way light warmed his skin…

Emu opened his burning eyes and sat up a little, loneliness making his head swim as he felt a heat pool in his abdomen. He scowled at himself, raising his head a little to watch Kiriya again. 

He always looked so relaxed when he slept. The face he made in this coma was no different than the face that he had when he slept next to Emu. 

Why wouldn’t he wake up? 

Did he.. not want to? 

Was Emu the reason he wouldn’t wake up? 

No, that couldn’t be. Emu knew Kiriya, he knew their feelings for one another were mutual. 

But the operation had been a success. 

_ Three weeks ago _ . 

Hiiro had said he might need time, but this was torture. 

Sadness began to turn bitter inside Emu the longer he stared down at Kiriya’s peaceful face. He trembled again, and suddenly reached up, grabbing Kiriya by the front of his hospital robe as he leaned in and pressed his lips to Kiriya’s. His lips were cool and dry, lacking the usually softness. Emu grit his teeth, hand tightening a bit as he pressed into the kiss more, as though something so childish and stupid would make Kiriya wake up. 

Predictably, Kiriya remained unconscious below him, the only movement having been from the way his head had moved when Emu pulled on him. 

Lips still against Kiriya’s, Emu could feel the moisture from his wet face begin to cling to Kiriya’s cheeks. He sat up, shaking slightly, and stared down to him. 

“Kiriya-san… please, wake up.” The longer Emu stared, the more he felt like he was losing it. All he wanted was Kiriya to open his eyes and  _ be _ there, alive and safe and happy and--

Emu released Kiriya’s hand, placing it against Kiriya’s cheek as he kissed him again, this time deeper, his other hand slipping into Kiriya’s robe. He ran his hand up and down, feeling the heat of his body and softness of his out of shape muscles. Kiriya had always been soft, but weeks of being inactive had made him more so. Emu often liked to tease him because he wasn’t as well toned as Hiiro or himself, and he certainly didn’t have the same build as Taiga. But Emu loved the way Kiriya had felt before, and he would love the way he felt now. 

“Wake up..!  _ Wake up! _ If you don’t come back,  _ now _ , I’m going to--” Tears fell onto Kiriya’s face, warm and fat, and Emu growled, touches getting rougher and more calculated. Perhaps if he touched him enough Kiriya would react, either with pleasure or disgust and finally wake up. Until then, Emu wasn’t going to stop. 

He deepened the kiss, tongue brushing against Kiriya’s, though it was unresponsive. It was only when Emu was half on top of him, knee brushing against his flaccid cock, that he realized what he was doing. 

Horror zapped through Emu and he jerked back as though Kiriya had burned him, the other males body nearly dragged along with him in his hurry.

This was--

It.. it wasn’t right. 

No.

Emu couldn’t--

Kiriya wasn’t consenting. Kiriya wasn’t even  _ awake _ . 

Shaking, Emu’s eyes were glued to Kiriya’s sleeping form, his upper body slightly turned and his robe now displaced from where Emu had been touching him. His chest was as pale of the rest of him, and the drooping panel of his robe offered the slightest glimpse of a light brown nipple.

More tears began to well up in his eyes, and he felt… horrible. How could he have done such a thing? To someone he  _ loved _ ?

He swallowed, the tight heat between his legs suddenly unbearable. Without hesitation, he unzipped his pants and took himself in one hand, using his thumb to work the head while he began to pump with the pace of an inexperienced, horny teenager. 

Emu wasn’t sure if he had ever been overcome by such a wave of desire before, but what else could he do? This whole situation was fucked up to begin with. He shivered as pleasure crept through his muscles, his eyes closing tight as he imagined Kiriya, awake, in one piece and doing something cheesy like resting with his head against Emu’s shoulder, or--

A whimper escaped Emu has he suddenly came, the liquid shooting across his palm and dripping down the back of his hand and wrist. His breathing began to calm as the momentary bliss of orgasm washed over him. 

After a few moments, he straightened up and tucked himself back into his pants, turning to wash his hands in a nearby sink. Once finished, he went back to Kiriya and fixed his clothes, making sure to re-position him in a way that would be comfortable, and then cleaned the saliva that glistened on his lips that had been left behind by Emu. 

He leaned down, placing a hand to Kiriya’s cheek in a motion of tenderness and intimacy he wasn’t even sure he deserved at the moment. His hand trembled a little. 

How could he have--

The sound of a throat clearing broke him from his thoughts and his head snapped up. 

“Emu… that was uncomfortable. Why did you do that?” Parad crossed his arms, his nose wrinkling in Emu’s direction. He was hanging out of the heart monitor, head tilted and eyes squinting at Emu. 

“P-Parad!?” If it was possible for Emu to feel even worse, he definitely did, but now with the addition of embarrassment. 

Uncrossing his arms, Parad grabbed the tabletop below him and pulled himself out of the screen with a perfect landing on the other side of the bed. He tilted his head down to Kiriya for a few moments, watching, before looking back up to Emu. 

“.. If you want sex, I’m here. You don’t know if he’ll ever wake up again.” He looked away, eyes to the floor. Emu stared, humiliation quickly flickering into rage. He walked around the bed and reached out, yanking Parad forward by the front of his shirt. 

“Parad..! You can’t just say things like that. You don’t even know if-- It’s not like--” Emu felt himself tremble again. 

Parad could be right, though. 

He looked down to Kiriya, who remained asleep even with all his yelling and fucking around throughout the night. It was all so screwed up.

“Emu… you’re not alone. You know that, right?” Emu felt Parad’s eyes on him, and he couldn’t look at him. How much had Parad seen? Just the masturbation? Or the kissing, too? Had Parad witnessed Emu all but force himself on Kiriya’s body before realizing what he was doing? Emu felt light headed, why was this happening? 

“Emu…” Cool fingers took his chin, and Parad directed Emu’s head up towards him. He frowned, and Emu averted his eyes, nervous. Not but a moment later, Emu was pulled against Parad’s chest, tight. 

“.. Even if it doesn’t work out… Even if he doesn’t wake up, you still have me. You still have everyone else, so…” Parad swallowed, and Emu felt himself shaking against Parad as he tried to keep himself from losing control for a second time that night. Parad’s chin, angled but soft, pressed into the top of his head.

“Let us be there for you, okay? You don’t have to be alone.” Emu gave a small nod, feeling oddly like their roles had been reversed. Usually it was him having to comfort Parad over something trivial, and yet now…

They stayed still for a few minutes, Emu standing in Parad’s embrace as he collected himself. The only noise was his breathing, and the steady beeping of the heart monitor Parad had hopped out of. 

A while later, Emu found himself being guided out of Kiriya’s room and down towards CR. It was empty, save for Poppy, who was listening to a little walkman inside her reclaimed cabinet. 

Parad, having been holding Emu’s hand, released him for a moment and went over to the sofa where he pulled a little lever and converted it into a pull out bed. Because of how many people had been coming and going, they had replaced the couch that used to be there in favor of this newer one. It was more practical this way, and meant they wouldn’t have to go far if they needed to rest. 

Once the little bed was set up, Parad pulled Emu along and directed him to sit, sipping over to the other side. Holding his hands again, Parad tugged Emu down, and they lay side by side, facing one another. 

“You should rest, Emu.. You haven’t been sleeping well, and then you go and..” Parad trailed off, his eyes shifting away as though embarrassed. Emu gave another small nod and closed his eyes. 

“.. You’re right. I.. I was just..” Desperate? Lonely? In hysterics? Emu frowned, his eyes opening again. No, he couldn’t make excuses for himself like that. 

“It won’t happen again.” Kiriya needed someone strong, not someone who would break down and attack him while he was most vulnerable. 

“Hmph. If it happens again, I’ll tell Kagami. Then it really won’t have a chance of happening again.” Emu blanched and closed his eyes again. After a few minutes, Parad spoke.

"Humans are always scared of us bugsters.. I don't mind that, but Emu.. Why did you do that?" Parad's voice was soft, and Emu felt cool fingers touch nervously at his hand. Emu didn't say anything. How could he? There was nothing in the world that could excuse his behavior, no matter how upset he was.

"Humans… They can be pretty scary, can't they?" Emu couldn't deny it; Guilt swirled around inside his stomach.

"Yeah.. We're human, after all." Parad gave a hum of amusement, the tips of his fingers delicately patting the back of one of Emu’s hands. He didn’t say anything further, and Emu took that as a sign to try and sleep. 

It was the first time since Kiriya had been restored that Emu hadn’t had a nightmare, and less than a week later, Kiriya woke up. 

**Author's Note:**

> Emu: I'm so fucked up.


End file.
